There's a reason why Mean Girls is one of the most popular movies of all time. It hit a chord with anyone who has ever been around a certain type of girl, or group of girls, who go out of their way to not be welcoming in any way. As a 38-year-old Mom who is raising a girl, I often think about what will happen when that stage of life comes and Zoey's innocence and confidence inevitably dwindles. I think about both sides- I hope she doesn't encounter girls who are mean to her, exclude her, make her feel less than. And I hope she never makes anyone else feel excluded or less than. This is not to say that boys don't have their own issues, but as someone who grew up with two sisters and zero brothers, I simply have no frame of reference for it.
This weekend was supposed to be my 20th High School reunion. I'm not sure I would have attended if it was a normal year and there was a big event planned out in the world (can you even imagine?), but since it was instead on Zoom, in the comfort of my own home, where I could log on while enjoying a glass of wine in my sweatpants and log off whenever I wanted, I thought, "why not?" The zoom meeting coincided with the one night I had promised my daughter I would have a sleepover with her in her bed. She's been begging for months, and last week I finally said, "Fine! Saturday night. It's on." Therefore, her 7:30 bedtime got extended big time since my reunion didn't start until 8:00pm.
After I answered about 100 questions about what my High School experience was like, we logged on and I was met with about 20 familiar faces, all smiling and waving. There is something really comforting about "seeing" people, even if it can't be in person, that you have known for almost your whole life, even if you haven't seen most of them in 20 years. About 5 minutes in, Zoey pointed to two of the little squares. "Why do those two girls keep looking down and then laughing?" she asked me. "When I'm doing remote school my teacher says it's better to look at the screen so you don't miss anything."
I looked at the two squares, side by side, noticed their names, and started laughing to myself as I watched them not-so-discreetly texting each other and then laughing at the screen. "They must be texting with each other," I said. "Maybe they're saying something really funny to each other!"
Meanwhile, in my own head, I just couldn't believe it. These were two girls who I have known since Kindergarten. Throughout all of Elementary school, Middle school and High school they were attached at the hip and seemed to love nothing more than making others feel both less than, and excluded. I could not really not believe that in this current moment, nearing 40 years of age, living a few states apart and over a computer screen, they were still able to be exclusive enough that my 7-year-old daughter noticed.
When I was younger, in Elementary school, I was confident like my daughter. I figured everyone liked me and I tried really hard to be nice to everyone. As middle school began, I slowly starting finding my people. Girls who I enjoyed being around, who made me laugh, who understood me. They didn't care that I talked about boys all the time, but that if one actually spoke to me I became painfully shy and wished there was a hole I could fall into. They embraced my goofiness, my sense of humor and sarcasm, my love of all things pink and sparkly. I was happy when I was around them. I felt good about myself- which is hard to say for most 13-year-olds. But every time I was around those other girls, I felt horrible about myself. I always felt there was an inside joke that I wasn't in on, or that I was the butt of. When you're young and awkward, you lack perspective. You lack the knowledge that none of that stuff matters. That when you're older you'll be able to choose who you spend your time with and if you're lucky like me, you'll have a village of women you can't imagine not being in your life. Neighbors, fellow Moms, and one special friend who you've had since middle school.
And so, when I shut the computer screen and tucked my daughter in to bed, I stroked her precious cheek and looked into her sweet eyes and trusted that she even though she will come across people who don't make her feel good in her life, she will come out of it all the better for it. She will grow up appreciating the people she chooses to have in her life, and if she sees people at her 20th reunion who were not nice to her back in the day, she'll have the perspective to shake her head and laugh, realizing that some things just never change.
